Thursday, December 29, 2011

Deep Thoughts and a New Year's Resolution ( This is text HEAVY)

Before you continue reading this post, I'd like to warn you that it's a whole lot of writing about thoughts buzzing around in my head. I'll post something fashion related later on tonight, but for now, it's just a bunch of writing.

You see, when I started this blog I thought that I would never bring super personal things into it. I don't even have pictures of my home, not that it's anything special, because I thought it best to compartmentalize. This blog, however, is a creative outlet, and sometimes a little writing about something that's bugging you helps alleviate anxiety that is building up. So this is some of that, and maybe you kind readers may have an opinion about what I will discuss, or maybe you are having the same issue as me and this will help you out as much as it is helping me out to write this down.

I've decided that my biggest New Year's resolution is to give my friendship to those who truly deserve it. It may seem simple enough, but I've been thinking a lot lately, and I have been stretching myself thin to those who are underserving. 2012 will be the year that I begin to take care of myself again, and put myself first. A little selfishness isn't a terrible thing.

No single incident caused this resolution to form. I believe it has been a long time coming, and my eyes are finally opening. I've ended two friendships this year, one more difficult than the other. Both are completely different situations. The first one was easy. Though I considered this person a very close friend, her ultimately blatant, and quite intimate betrayal, was a clear sign that she no longer valued me. When someone openly hurts you in that manner, it's easy to get them out of your life, because you care about yourself and you realize they are not worth your care. Letting go of that friendship had no heartbreak, and no regrets.

The other friendship was more difficult to see as problematic because there was no one big incident that proved them undeserving. There are situations in which you give and give to someone because you see how much they need it, and you don't have a problem with it. You want to be a good friend to them, because you expect no less in return. There is a loyalty there for them, but you don't actually ever see the reciprocity. This is the kind of person that throws out the line so you see it, but as soon as you go to grab at it when you need it, they pull it away because it's too much effort for them to give you what you have been giving to them.

I haven't been in any kind of situation with this person in particular where I have needed extra support or attention because of life changing incidences and the like. I've seen that lack of reciprocity in the little things, that after 5+ years of friendship, it's built up into this huge mountain of evidence. The most simple example is the lack of support she has shown to this blog. Not only have negative comments been left on posts that other readers seem to enjoy and support, but criticisms have been made of the photography of this blog, and of the person who takes them, Kyle. Yes, Kyle is not a professional photographer, nor are he or I very knowledgeable of photography. The fact that he takes my pictures everyday, and supports my interest, should be reason enough for this friend to support the both of us and this blog, not criticize it.

This person has on several occasions discussed how she is learning to be accountable, but never once has she practiced it. Looking up a Webster's definition of accountability doesn't mean you understand the concept. Accountability is beyond being held responsible for yourself; it's also holding responsibility towards everyone and everything you encounter.

I'm not a perfect person. This entry may even be considered passive. But I know there are a lot of good people out there who suffer from similar relationships. I am friends with a lot of people that, like me, feel very responsible towards those who only take. From the outside it's easy to see how wrong it is, and how easy it should be to let go of those relationships, but when you confront yourself, there is so much loyalty and emotion clouding your judgement to do the right thing. The right thing is to take care of yourself, which means surrounding yourself with people who can take care of you when you are incapable of doing so. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's something I have learned this year. It's a lesson I wanted to share with all of you, because I wish happiness upon everyone, and a large part of that is being happy with the people you keep close to you. This is why in the new year, my friendship will be given when deserved.
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  1. This is a very honest post and I can relate to it in a lot of ways. I lost my sister in 2010 and my dad just this year, and after the death of someone, you really start to see who is worthy of your friendship. I've lost a lot of people who I thought truly cared about me. But it ended up being a good thing because now I have the time to really focus on the relationships that matter. And I hope that for you, by cutting some of those loose ends will help you grow closer with those who truly value you! You have a cute blog girl! <3


  2. I have been through this before and though you are able to see the situation clearly, it doesn't make it easy to make the cut. In a way I feel like the 20's are the years where we truly transform our lives. We're becoming less interested in impressing others and more concerned about our own health and well being. In turn we're able to realize what is true and good and what is harmful or not worth it. As far as your friend who criticize this blog... I'd argue that she may be jealous and doesn't know how to communicate those feelings without being negative. She may see the attention you're getting, and feel envious that she didn't start a blog first. If it makes you feel any better, I think the photography here is really great! Oh, and your style is pretty fantastic! :-)

  3. Toni- Thank you :) Your blog is great too; you have a very cool and eclectic sense of style. I'm sorry to hear about your recent losses. You're right though, when people go through things like that you really truly see who is there genuinely routing for you. I'm glad that you came out of that situation with the attitude you have. It's very strong.

    Aimee- Thank you for your kind words. It's true, the 20's, I've noticed, is a time where we start focusing on ourselves. Unfortunately, some forget to look around from time to time to be there for others. Thanks for complimenting the photography! It's definitely not up there with the big name fashion bloggers, but I figure as long as you can make out the details of the outfit, it works. Right? Haha.

  4. I can totally relate especially now that I'm getting older i realized that most of the friends that i had were only there for fun not because they really cared for me and my true friends (which are very minimal) are there because they genuinely care but the good thing is that i learned that those friendships i want to preserve and be the best friend i can be which is also one of my NY resolutions. I hope that you can find those true friends and that those friendships last! Happy New Year though xoxo

  5. I just want to say that I think your blog is fantastic. I truly enjoy your style and love the blog layout. You're one of my new favorites to follow. Have been the past few months, so thank you.

    Also, I learned something a few years ago about people. Everyone is in our lives for a reason, either it good or bad. We learn something from both. I hope everything works out for you.

  6. Eelsayandyasi- I agree, since we aren't out to only have fun anymore, friendship groups thin out. But it's okay because I think only the good relationships get stronger. Happy New Year to you!

    Ebo- Thank you so much for your support and following my blog. It's always a pleasure to hear that people enjoy my blog. I work very hard on it, and hearing that makes it all the more worth it. I agree; everyone that comes into our lives, and everything that happens, does happen for a reason, and we learn and grow from it. Thank you, and happy new year!

  7. I really enjoyed reading this. well NOT enjoyed, it's just very relatable. People tell you when you graduate, grow up, move on, things will be different, good different. and things are, but sometimes changes in your life (and theirs) change people. and it's very hard. people tell you how to put yourself out there and how to make a friend, not how to lose one. There's a quote, "The thing that is hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most wind up in parentheses." it's hard, and i'd be a liar to give you some cliche answer. just know that you're doing the right thing and it'll be hard, but easier and better in the end.